We Can Trust Him

Faith, Poetry

I’ve come to loathe negative “I am” statements…

I am where I am

I’ve been where I’ve been

No amount of striving is going to rewrite my history or quick fix my flaws

My mind has succumbed too many times to the visible and invisible taunts of worthlessness

Inflicted by self, by careless words in well meaning mouths or downright spat out with spite by people also lost inside their own mental health plights

Mine is a life potholed by moments of rejection which have so often threatened to incapacitate my person

But greater than any rejection is my confidence that I am accepted, by God no less, and who would argue with him?!

The devil is who and he’ll make you believe that God hates you, but there is absolutely no foundation or slither of truth there

So I’ve started asking a different question, not who do I say I am

But I ask who does God say I am and I choose to believe it, regardless of feelings

The power in truth is no hippy notion of filling our lives with physical satisfactions which are only fleeting distractions

I have found the power in truth, is that, spoken out loud and chosen inside it begins to uproot the lies that degrade our lives and in its place grows a tree of life

Irrevocable value takes root

It forms a system in my heart that holds together the banks that previously threatened to fall apart

Each root a whisper from heaven writing a love song in the depths of my soul

You are forgiven, you are loved, you are accepted, you are protected, you are redeemed, you are worthy of love, you were seen before you were conceived, you were held in the womb, you are treasured, you have a purpose and that purpose is to be known and loved and to know and love your Creator, you have a God given right to be alive just as you are right now

Because His love isn’t forceful but it is a force, His grace takes you on a journey to freedom without guilt

He celebrates you in the light of Jesus

He, the Holy Spirit, is the greatest of counsellors leading us alongside gentle waters and green pastures, even when storms are raging overhead he’ll help us find rest amidst the maelstrom and give us power to command its stillness

God knows we’re not perfect and doesn’t expect it, but he also knows that being in his presence will help us navigate the mines in our mind fields

Fear cannot exist where perfect love is

So I choose to see myself through the lense of his love

I am not lost, I’m found and this pavement of peace that I walk on is hedged in by grace

No one is lost in the light of his love, we can trust him

Unforced Journey

Faith, Poetry

I’m no longer in a hurry to prove myself to anybody

When I thought as a child, negative opinions would have cut me down

But I’m learning the unforced journey

Reaching for the “well done” from the one who knows my name and everything that my heart contains

You may not see it, my outward appearance isn’t always attractive

I fumble and stumble and make awkward advances for the kingdom

But I’m learning the unforced journey

Reaching for the “well done” from the one who knows my name and everything that my heart contains

Sing Out My Soul

Faith, Poetry

God you pursued me with your love

When my life depended on it, you took on my pain

Jesus, I was weak at your feet

My heart couldn’t contain it so I laid it at your feet

If it weren’t for your mercy, it would have completely overwhelmed me

But your heart was for me and I felt your arms around me

So I declared your kingdom has come

Jesus you took on death for the joy set before you

Thank you!

My heart was dead but you saved me

I’m your inheritance

I will pursue you because you love me

Because you know all of me and still you died for me

Jesus I want to know you like you know me

I lay my life down for the joy set before me

To walk beside my King, my friend

So take courage my soul in your unwavering God

From the deepest of depths, His love resurrects

When the night’s at its darkest, sing out my soul

Jesus has conquered death

Jesus has opened the door

Separated no longer

I am yours and you are mine

I revel in the wonder of walking with my Creator

Heavenward

Faith, Poetry

You may think I am delusional, to believe God cares about every detail

But if he knows the number of hairs on my head, then I know that he’s my author and creator

If he writes my name on the palm of his hand, then I know that I am visible to him

If he knitted me together in my mother’s womb, then not one strand of my DNA is a mystery to him

If he’s held my life in his heart, before it even started, then I am assured it matters to him

If he sent his son to die on a cross so that I could be near to him, then I know my presence delights him

If he raised Jesus up from the grave, I am confident that I will be raised with him

If he sent his Holy Spirit in his son’s place, then I am promised his everlasting presence

So you may think I’m delusional, but my heart has been altered by too many sweet encounters

Despite the pain of this life, I am born of hope, washed in the mindset of eternity to see just a spec of how utterly vast and incomprehensible his love is for me

Not just for me and not just for those who call him father, even though we have the mind blowing privilege to walk with our Papa

For every human soul, of every religion and creed is loved with an almighty love and so I cannot stay silent

Whether you know it or not

You were born to know the creator of star dust, of science, of seasons, of harvests, of music, of beauty, of secrets and stillness

You were born to receive the love of our father expressed in the life of a servant we call saviour, Jesus Christ

You were born with a singular purpose, to love and be loved by God, who wills all goodness to pour into you through his relationship

You are his favourite creation, you and billions of others…

If you don’t believe me, stop and ask him

You never know, you might come face to face with Jesus

You might just hear a whisper and an unexpected nudge to look heavenward

Fear vs Hope

Poetry

You know when you realise you’ve wasted half your life on misguided fear

Like a drunken misadventure and you’ve become aware far too late, that this person you’re cosying up to in the corner, you wouldn’t have touched with a barge pole if sober

Had you seen with clear eyes that this affair with fear was only going to leave you out in the cold, identity clouded and searching for your soul

Too many times I let your interest define me, your disinterest define me

Wasn’t taught to value me, was only mocked and disciplined for who others moulded me to be

You bartered for my sexuality like I was yours to buy, only children caught in an adults game

But it’s not charades, it’s not pretending when you touched me like you owned me and sent fear into the very heart of me

And I learnt that attention from boys, attention from men equalled desirability

So I laughed off education, surrendered to depression and defined my life by sexual admiration

All the while fear crept in, it kept me caged, it kept me in and I never explored or had adventures with people or stories that fed my soul

Fed it with hope, fed it with joy, fed it with possibility

And even though I know there is freedom from fear, still I struggle daily

Don’t want to let those ugly moments define and chain me

Want to be able to see a clean page free from insecurity

So every day in some small way I stand defiant of all that fear

Fear that I’ve wasted it all and it’s way too late to live my life with eyes that see and a heart that hopes

I look in the mirror and see who God sees, a miracle, a life, purpose in living

I will not be defined by the ghosts of the past, I’ll be defined and changed by truth and love

Arms Around You

Faith, Poetry

I’ve seen life depart

I’ve mopped up my own blood from my womb that contained lives that barely flickered and then were gone

I’ve seen days so darkened with depression I’ve nearly lost the will to live

Your pain may be so much worse

Your struggle so intense you don’t know how you continue to hold on

Your eyes may have seen horrors no eyes should see

But I know a man whose sincere friendship has kept my heart secure

Turn your eyes and heart to Jesus and let His peace surround you in your storm

Breathe deep, don’t rush

The lover of your soul sits by you

Arms around you

He’ll never depart from you

There is no road too rocky

No hole too dirty

He is not ashamed to sit beside you

His love will save you